Freedom Painting

This week was an unusually stressy week for me. Household circumstances shifted wildly and found me solely in charge of the kids, house, meals, schedules, etc. It's not that it's difficult, none of it is difficult. It's that I seem to be clunky with transitioning from one lifestyle to another with no notice. It's very jarring to my system. And my system thrives on creative time, productive time and alone time, in big chunks. When that time isn't available for me I get all kinds of crossed circuits that are needing to discharge from having to be in 'constant responsibility mode'. When I feel that build-up in my body, sometimes it just feels like agitation without words. Clearly, I'm labeling it now, but yesterday I didn't have language for it. So, I sat down and made an expressive art process to allow it to untangle itself and flow out onto my paper.

The process is playfully painting out what the 'feeling is' using varying amounts of water, color, dripping, turning, etc. This type of exercise is best done using a couple of larger brushes as that keeps you out of the details, which results in a painting that is fresh and loose. Plus, the brushes hold a lot of water and pigment. No need to go back and forth between the painting and the palette or water container until you are ready to change color or rinse. Two of my favorite brushes, and the ones I used for this painting are the Da Vinci Series, Cosmotop~Mix B in sizes 10 and 12.

How I Started:
For this painting, I knew my inner tension felt bright, hot and burning in the center of my chest. I began to paint those feelings by leaving a hot white circle in the center of the page. Around the edge of the circle I added some Yellow Ochre #2 (Mission Gold Watercolor) and some M. Graham Quin Gold. I reached deeper into the hot and burning sensation, into the body tension that had been building up, and I dipped my brush in two shades of red. First I went for my Daniel Smith Deep Scarlet, then I applied it to the edges of the still wet yellow, and without cleaning my brush (oops) I dipped into Daniel Smith Alizarin Crimson. Back and forth it went around the circle, sometimes adding paint, sometimes just grabbing water and allowing the paint more room to flow. I love the brilliance of these colors and how fiery deep they are as they swirl and layer on my page. They almost feel like lava coming out of a volcano. I did not mix colors on my palette for this, only on my paper and let the water do the work for me.

What I love about this exercise (besides painting of course!) is that I often find myself judging my 'negative' emotions as if they shouldn't be there, as if they don't belong in my process. Getting them out on the page totally allows them that righteous, harmless, freeing space to express. They belong too and I am conscious of them. They ARE part of the process, a glorious and important part that is the foundation for breaking things open and finding new ground. Like lava, madly erupting and flowing... when it cools there is new, rich territory laid down to explore. What I learned in my frustration is what I need more of. More space, more sleep, more time for creating. And today (because I'm writing this post spread out over 2 days) I feel rested and able to be in the new.

At the time I painted this, the cool greens (DS Ultramarine Turquoise), blues (MG Cobalt Teal) and deep plums (reds and blues mixing) were the things I wasn't currently feeling but wanted to add to my experience. The 'new' that would cool my lava and give me, new ground to stand on. And today, I feel it. Tomorrow that may change again like the ocean tides, I'm not saying this is a permanent thing. It's simply a very deliberate and conscious experiment.

If you're baffled on where to start or possibly, you don't know how to even begin to access your feelings I have a few suggestions.

*Sit quietly at your table and close your eyes for a moment. Ask yourself, 'Where am I in my body right now?'
You may suddenly feel yourself energetically drop from your head down into your feet, in a more grounded way. Great way to start.

*Try to identify a 'space' in your body and occupy it, begin to paint what it feels like, smells, like, sounds like.. use colors, textures (saran wrap, rubber bands sploshed into your paint, leaves, etc.)

*If you still feel stuck, put on Youtube or Spotify and pick some random music to listen to for 1-2 minutes each session. You don't have to like the music. In fact, great if you don't. Notice what this brings up in you and paint it out.

If nothing else, this is a fun process to get you grounded in your body, release stress and possibly shift yourself or reveal new insights you hadn't made the quiet space to allow in before.

*I turned this painting into art on products that are useable and wearable. Check them out here: Emily May Studio Arts RedBubble Shop